Praying in Fetal Position

Note: You really can’t read this post without some theme music.:)

Anyway…

Catholicism has a love affair with ritual, and that love affair affects how Catholics pray. In recent years, though, in addition to formal prayer, the Church encourages people to explore informal prayer and meditation. I read a CareNote (TM) during the first few months of my spiritual journey about how Buddhist meditation can compliment Catholic spirituality.

My personal favorite prayer position, one that I came up with on my own, is fetal position. It can be in bed or on the floor. Prayer can be formal, informal, or non-existent. When people assume fetal position, it is for physical or psychological protection. It can indicate a desire to escape or to be cared for when one feels helpless. As such, adopting fetal position during prayer symbolizes our willingness to become like children before the Lord, submitting to Him and crying out for His protection. Praying in this position also requires physical effort if you are saying them out loud and thus can serve as an act of penance.

Fetal prayer is especially appropriate for the Advent season, in which we celebrate the Immaculate Conception and birth of Christ and await His return. Every time we pray, confess, or do penance, our faith is reborn. Every trial we endure, we endure because of our belief in the world to come.

Despite its reputation for brutal acts of corporal mortification, the Church throughout the ages, but moreso in modern times, has criticized excessive mortification and stressed the need for humility, realism, and good advice when performing such acts of penance.

On the subject, St. Francis de Sales wrote:

“Hence it is that so many prefer corporal alms before spiritual, the hair shirt, fasting, going barefoot, using the discipline, and other such corporal mortifications before meekness, mildness, modesty, and other mortifications of the heart. Choose then, Philothea, the best virtues, not the most esteemed; the most noble, not the most apparent; those that are actually the best, not those that are the most ostensible or shining.”

Many of the sins condemned by the Church involve some form of self-abuse, suicide being one of them. Excessive corporal mortification can be viewed as a form of self-abuse as well as a source of pridefulness, also a deadly sin. The Church’s belief in the evil of self-harm stems from its belief that the body is a sacred instrument.

When you receive Confirmation, your body in effect becomes a blessed and sacred object. This is why Catholic worship is so physical in nature, involving the use of the human voice, kneeling, the clasping of hands, the act of eating, and more. When you take Communion, you are literally eating the Body and Blood of Christ. Notice that Communion entails the consumption of bread and wine, bread because it provides basic sustenance and wine because it nourishes the soul. Christ provides the basic sustenance so we may find joy in the hereafter.

The body houses the immortal soul and is used in service of the Lord. It was made by God just for you and that makes it special.

What I find odd is that, for centuries, fasting was explicitly intended to be a punishment, and size had naught to do with it. You would also be forgiven when the penance was over. Nowadays, if you are not as thin as society thinks you should be, fasting is re-framed as a form of self-care. If you are fat or “unfashionably ill,” it is an act of penance that you must perform indefinitely, and there is no absolution.

When praying in fetal position, remember the promise of new life that Advent brings and that babies are fat. The circle is associated with eternity and abundance, two words that comprise the essence of Christianity, which promises eternal and abundant life forever. This does not mean, of course, that you must literally be fat to enjoy abundant and eternal life. It just means that, at one time, fat was associated with robust health and the circle, and roundness, still carries positive associations in our culture. My first and my favorite priest, Father L, is a wise, patient man whose love and whose generosity is bottomless. He is an older man, bald, with glasses, and he’s noticeably fat.  I’m sure he would be just as lovable skinny, but his girth is not a reflection of his sinfulness nor does it in any way detract from him.

The holidays can be unpleasant and overwhelming for fat people, those recovering from eating disorders, and people who have food-related illnesses. For those who have endured severe depression, anxiety, or PTSD over the issues of food and weight, it can literally be soul-sucking. Everyone else is full of joy and eating food you cannot bear to touch. Internal and external pressures encourage us to self-abuse. We feel the pressure to endure abuses from family because they are  family and because it is the holidays. Sometimes self-abuse, like not getting adequate sleep, is a natural reaction to stress. Like the wise virgins who kept their lamps burning in anticipation of the coming of Christ, you must stay alert to life stresses and the temptation to self-abuse.

I mean this in all seriousness. Self-abuse is just as much about what you fail to do as what you do do. Failing to take adequate care of your needs and to set boundaries are dangerous to your well-being. For those who are religious, it is a danger to your soul as for some, it indulges vanity. In others, it indulges the temptation to self-harm. Still, in others, it wears on us and causes us to fall asleep and become burdened with worldly cares.

Resistance is a matter not of snappy comebacks or clever coping strategies, but of the proper disposition. What is needed is a  true appreciate of the sanctity of the body as well as the evils of self-harm. If you want to regularly remind yourself of these truths, take better care of yourself, and best use the physical body in serve of the mystical body, include corporal worship into your everyday routine. I  suggested the fetal prayer position, but there are other ways.

Try eating a meal on the floor-not off the floor, mind you. Put it on a table, but lower yourself. When you physically lower yourself, you place yourself in a position of spiritual need such that you are not above the sustenance provided for you.

Choose warm, fulling foods to serve on Sunday, particularly after a period of fast and abstinence. Every Sunday is a mini-feast day. Enjoy it.

Speak or sing prayers aloud. Process to your place of prayer-the foot of your bed, a shrine, or whatever it is.

Another Advent prayer position you could try is lying down with hands over the belly, as though you are nurturing a new-found faith within you. This is good for mothers who have not adjusted to any changes to their bodies after childbearing.

Wear comfortable clothing! I cannot emphasize this enough! You don’t want uncomfortable clothing to make you insecure or distract you from your mission.

It can be hard to justify self-care, but once you conceive of it, not as an indulgence but as a duty, some people find the resolve they need.

Stay awake this Advent and rejoice.

I’m Feeling Religious Tonight

This post is a mish-mash of religious and food-related thoughts. Not all that cohesive. Go with the flow.

I’m a religious person, but I’m not always on fire for Christ. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I feel blessed and imagine myself on golden clouds, looking through the mist concealing the white light. Other times I feel cursed and have these bad-ass images of demons bursting into flames and poking me with a pitchfork. Enjoy the theme music.:)

Other times, like lately, I feel like God is out there messing around but that He’s busy. I think I’ll do my thing, He’ll do His thing, and one of these days, we’ll meet for coffee. I don’t even kneel when I pray at lot of the time. Sometimes I don’t even pray. Sometimes I just lie face up and talk, at the same time as looking at stars or clouds. Looking at the Heavens, let’s put it that way.

These days, my version of prayer is no prayer at all. I just lie down and think of nothing, letting the Holy Spirit in and get comfy. Meditation, basically. Sometimes, I actually feel something entering me and filling me up and lifting me up ever so slightly. Power of suggestion, perhaps? Deep relaxation? Or something else? *Hint hint wink wink nudge nudge*

I confess. I believe in ghosts, angels, demons, and all sorts of mythical things. A Congregationalist co-worker who is much more a spiritual than a religious person was talking to me one day. She did not understand why only certain people could touch the Eucharist, that Catholics literally believe Mary conceived without male intercession, etc. It began over a discussion of my Halloween costume. I told her I made my own clerical collar and she asked me why I could not borrow a real one. I explained that vestments are consecrated and she told me, “Oh, they’re so hocus-pocus.”

Well, no offense, but what other reason is there to get up on Sunday? I could be sleeping in. Sometimes I do. I prefer the Saturday night liturgy because it feels more magical at night, in which case I don’t need to go on Sunday. It is more traditional in the sense that it is reminiscent of Jewish liturgies, which take place on Friday night.

Or I could sleep in and go to the 11:00 Mass.:) Today’s Catholics have *options,* man.:)

Anyway, my point is that the same hocus-pocus that she finds silly is exactly why I am motivated to worship at all. Why go to Mass if I can just break bread and share it at home? That’s because the bread at a Catholic Mass is special, or at least it damn well better be. If I wanted to go to Church to just hear a positive message, I would not go to the Church that I do. With the glut of self-help and spiritual books on the market, I would not be going to Church. I go to Church because of that something more, something out of the ordinary.

I’m not saying that you need ritual and hocus-pocus in order to have a fulfilling spiritual life. What I am saying is that it is useless for this person to ask, “Why is the Catholic Church so hocus-pocus?” It’s hocus-pocus because it’s the Catholic church. That’s how it is. We’re Catholic, in part, because we LIKE the hocus-pocus. It offers us a little something more.

I’ll never forget the first time I ate an unconsecrated Communion wafer. I was the only one in RCIA that would take it. Everyone else was shuffling their feet, stammering, eyes wide open in horror, and chuckling nervously. They knew intellectually that it had not yet been turned into the Son of Man, but they didn’t want to take the chance of defiling it. Father L. liked to describe Communion as a meal to which we were invited, and once, I joked with him that dinner was delicious. He didn’t get it, and I explained it to him. (My sense of humor is random and weird.)

I was a new catechumen, and he blanched and his eyes flew open behind his round glasses, wearing an expression on his face of utter horror. “You didn’t TAKE it, did you?” He asked in a deadly whisper.

“No, chill out.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

Not too long ago, I was sharing my experience with a catechetical director and she reacted in a similar manner. She blanched and was horrified, and she asked me in a deadly whisper, “Was it consecrated?”

“No, no, it wasn’t.” And she, like Father, breathed an enormous sigh of relief.

I laughed, but I also realize that, even if you don’t think you will be struck dead for having touched it, you still need to be prepared to touch it. It is like going on a date. You want to put your best foot forward. And you still need to respect the beliefs of others when you are on their turf, even if you think they are just hocus-pocus.

I’m looking forward to Advent and Christmas this year. I will not be doing much, but I am looking forward to putting up my Victorian Christmas tree, sitting in the glow of the candlelight, sneaking brownies…

That’s my favorite tradition right there. Sneaking cookies, candy from the stockings, etc. in the middle of the night before Santa came. I bet, in this day and age, that would get me labeled a compulsive over-eater. Whatever.

This year, I have a lot to be thankful for, but the thing I am thankful for most, I think, is the food. I can enjoy whatever foods I want. I can afford them. I do not feel any internal pressure to deny myself the foods I want. So many other people earn so much more than I do in terms of income, yet eat less and are unable to enjoy what they have. They are on diets.

It’s sad when you think about it.

Unfortunately, not all Catholics think this way. Sure, they’re grateful for the food,  but they don’t eat it. Catholic women are like most other women in our culture in that they want to lose weight. What would make them any different? I just wish I could go to RCIA and not hear comments about weight loss. Seriously, the topics have NOTHING to do with weight loss. They are about the Bible, the Sacraments, Church history, etc. Yet weight loss comments ALWAYS seem to make their way in.

Oh, and this is what I really don’t get. Some people get all in a tizzy about people not being good Catholics. Well, Catholics like to party. We spend a lot of time fasting, repenting, and denying, then when we have permission to party, we don’t eat the foods we like. People all over the world have come up with all manner of sumptuous dishes for Christmas, and we don’t eat them. Fuck that.

I’m gonna eat. Whatever I want. As much as I want.

God is, of course, invited to this meal, provided I get a front row seat at Midnight Mass.

Eh, God won’t give me that, necessarily. God is great, He really is, but He rarely delivers what you want and He takes a million years to do it. If He worked for China Jade, He’d be so fired.:)

On the upside, His fortune cookies never disappoint.

P.S. I recently bought a car-a 2000 Chrystler Cirrus, to be exact. She’s gorgeous!

Note to progressive Catholics: Enough about the cross-dressers

Tags

Catholicism, Church politics, gender issues, prejudice

In my list of favorite sites, I include the National Catholic Reporter. If you are an arch-conservative, you might know it as the National Catholic Distorter/Destroyer/Fish wrap.) It is an independent news source with a strong liberal bias, though it does has more moderate and conservative voices as well. I like reading this publication, though I disagree with much of what is written there. At least points of view can be heard that often are not heard in a Vatican publication.

Despite my respect for the NCR overall, I have been consistently disappointed with their-the writers and the community alike-treatment of the Tridentine Latin Mass. (For those who are not aware, the Tridentine Latin Mass is the fancy schmancy Mass with the smells, bells, vestments, Gregorian chants, organs, etc. that you see depicted in movies and classic novels.)

The significance of this is that since Vatican II, such Masses have not been  the norm and instead, the Novus Ordo Missa (New Order Mass) has taken its place. Its hallmarks are use of the vernacular language, lay participation, receiving Communion in the hand while standing, and other features that I will not get into right now. It’s much less formal and to many, much less mystical.

I personally prefer the TLM. I respect the Novus Ordo Missa and those that prefer to worship in that style.

It would seem that not all Catholics agree with me. Progressive Catholics in particular feel that the Tridentine Mass is symbolic of a past era in which the Church saw itself as royalty and the laity as passive, ignorant lumps of clay. Some of them invoke the old cliche that Jesus was a simple man and would not have wanted all the finery. They want the TLM to be tossed in the dust bin of history.

As a huge fan of the TLM, I resent their trying to restrict liturgical diversity and stereotyping those that enjoy that Mass as being brain-dead, sexually perverted arch-conservatives. That could be its own blog post, though, and that’s not the topic I want to address today.

A common slur directed at clerics who celebrate the TLM is that they are sexually repressed cross-dressers. This is a reference to the lace, the cappa magna, and the fine vestments worn by priests at this Mass. Critics of the TLM believe, quite strongly, I might add, that the TLM is just a ploy to mask fear and declining power behind pomp and circumstance. They have decided to use a sexist, heterosexist and trans-phobic slur to make their point. They need to grow up and act like men, stop playing pretend and dressing in fancy clothes like Mom to hide how small they feel inside. Someone actually wrote that these men dress like Mom and wish to be called Father.

Okay, from people that, allegedly, support women, homosexuals and sexual diversity in general, I am shocked and disappointed to see comments like that. Type in ‘Tridentine Latin Mass’ into the Search engine of the NCR, and you will find many such comments. There are too many to mention, some of which are truly vile.

Despite their constant exhortations of the capability and nobility of women, they reinforce the idea that women are weak and cowardly such that dressing like them makes you not a real man.

Combined with frequent references to the sexual abuse of boys, they imply that clerics have an irrational fear of women which causes them somehow to want to dress like their domineering mommies. So we combine the gay-men- as-drag-queens with the gay-men-as-pedophiles stereotype and kill two birds with one stone. Good job, guys!

Then, of course, there is the obvious implication that cross-dressing, a hallmark of sexual diversity for men and women, gays and straights, is some sort of horrible crime and makes you less than human.

All this from so-called progressives? Really?

Here’s some knowledge for you: Dress codes by gender are culturally determined, not absolute truths. You might not see the holy vestments as manly, but that does not make it so. There is nothing shameful about being transgender, queer, or a cross-dresser. When you make comments like the ones above, you are cementing the very stereotypes that you claim to want challenged. It is insulting to men and women alike when you refer to priests being cowards who dress like Mom and want to be called Father. It insults women by making them out to be inferior and it insults men by restricting them to your definition of masculinity.

That, and it’s just not true. Learn the history and symbolism of the vestments and you might find that your adolescent fantasies about rebelling against womanish autocrats are out of place.

Don’t like the TLM? I don’t care, but stop with the slurs!

*Throughout this post, I was writing ‘sluts’ instead of ‘slurs.’ Coincidence?

Progressive Anti-Catholic Bingo

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Catholicism, prejudice

Anti-Catholic Bingo card

I don’t mind criticism of the Church. I spend a fair amount of time criticizing it myself. However, I hate it when ex, lapsed, or non-Catholics try to convince me that the faith is evil by using the arguments on this bingo card. This is to prove to you that yes, I have heard this all before. Thanks.:)

A Note for Anorexic and Bulimic Faithful

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Catholicism, eating disorders and recovery, prayers/intentions

St. Dymphna is the patron saint of the mentally ill, those with neurological disorders, runaways, and abuse victims. Those with anorexia and bulimia are not just mentally ill, but sufferers of abuse at their own and others’ hands. They are abused by a society that hates fat and disability. Many of them have considered  risky behaviors such as running away as a way to cope. For others, their illness is a way to run away.

You do not have to be Catholic to appreciate St. Dymphna. For all eating disordered faithful, I offer the following from Two Hearts Network:

For the mentally ill:

O Virgin and heroic Martyr, we know very little about your origin, but many have learned to invoke you and several have claimed to have been helped. It is said that you remained faithful to your Divine Bridegroom to the end, resisting the lusts of your pagan*** father and preferring a martyr’s death. Please intercede for (Name), a mental patient, that he/she may give glory to God. Amen.

Hear us, O God, our Savior, as we honor St. Dymphna, patron of those afflicted with mental and emotional illness. Help us to be inspired by her example and comforted by her merciful help. Amen.

O God, we humbly beseech You through Your servant, St. Dymphna, who sealed with her blood the love she bore You, to grant relief to those who suffer from mental afflictions and nervous disorders, especially (Name).
St. Dymphna, helper of the mentally afflicted, pray for us.
Glory be….

For those with addictions:

God of mercy, we bless You in the Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, Who ministered to all who came to Him. Give Your strength to (name of person addicted), one of Your children, enfold him/her in Your love and restore him/her to the freedom of God’s children.

Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and freedom. Restore to them the assurance of Your unfailing mercy, strengthen them in the work of recovery, and help them to resist all temptation.

To those who care for them, grant patience and understanding and a love that perseveres. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

ETA: These are old prayers, so there are references to evil pagans. The Catholic community now recognizes that pagans have a wide range of positive beliefs and even acknowledges some of its origins as pagan.

And the Lord said, “Go and lose weight before all nations.”

Tags

Catholicism, diet culture, lost causes

I don’t recall that line in the Bible, either, but my parish insists that it was there somewhere.

On the fourth Sunday of Lent, Sunday being a mini feast day on which abstinence and fast are frowned upon, I had every intention of living dangerous until I went shopping for some more Care Notes and picked up a bulletin. Sometime during the season I wanted to attend weekday Mass and introduce myself to the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) team members. Usually, the RCIA sessions are published in the weekly schedule so when all else failed, I took a look. To my utter horror, the sessions were not publicized in the schedule…but Weight Watchers was.

RCIA is the process by which catechumens (unbaptized Catholic converts) learn about the Catholic faith, prepare for their rites of initiation and become eligible for the sacraments and the Mystagogy. Lent is of great importance to catechumens because it is during this time that they make their first confessions(Scrutinies) and get presented before the Bishop. Once their advisors feel they are ready, they are allowed to attend the Easter Vigil and receive the rites. In fact, Lent was originally designed for adult converts and was not observed by those who were Catholic all their lives. So Lent matters, and so does RCIA.

I guess it’s just not important enough for certain members of our parish that these catechumens, directed by the Holy Spirit, become officially recognized members of the universal church and the body of Christ. But Weight Watchers is.

God help us.

Just so you all know, you are about to witness a brief harping about orthodox Catholic teaching, but I promise it has a meaning relevant to our current fat crusade. Bear with me.

Sure, it’s been a while, like a whole day, since I have reviewed the guidelines for confession, but within is a list of sins for which immediate confession is warranted and the last time I checked, vanity and pride were still deadly sins. Some pride and a minor interest in one’s appearance are not sins and do not require penance, but we all know that Weight Watchers fosters more than just that. Despite what some crusaders would have you believe, the obesity hysteria has little if anything to do with health and everything to do with people’s prejudice and vanity. What is the first thing people will say when you have lost weight? What theme are testimonials on weight loss ads centered on?

“You look great! Have you been dieting?”

“I HATED going to the beach, but now that I have taken X diet pill, I lost 50 pounds and I’m in a bikini!”

What will people then say about themselves or others once they have made the obligatory remark about an improved appearance?

“I’m so PROUD of you for sticking to your diet!”

Or “I’m so ASHAMED that I let myself go like this!”

Pride and vanity are the sinful consequences of participation in Weight Watchers.

A sponsorship of Weight Watchers at a Catholic parish is also wildly at odds with Catholic teaching on suffering and death. The Catholic Church encourages people to take care of themselves, i.e. by not using illegal substances and by abstaining for sex. (The exception is abortion, wherein some factions argue that even to save a woman’s life, abortion cannot be permitted. Mainstream Catholics, including the Magisterium of the Catholic Church, agree that abortion is permissible in those situations.) Anyway, the problem with Weight Watchers is, again, that it goes beyond the mission of caring for oneself, even if you buy the premise that weight loss is an effective or desirable self-care goal (which I obviously don’t). In addition to fostering pride and vanity, it by necessity fosters shame and disgust with those that do not meet WW’s standards. It feeds a hatred of fat people and those who are ill allegedly by virtue of their unhealthy lifestyles. Such is contrary to the charity that Catholics are required to exhibit to one another. Fixation on weight loss efforts are fed by a desire to retain youth and health, which are not bad goals in themselves, but taken to an extreme, it obliterates the redemptive potential that suffering and illness provide according to Catholic theology. Catholics are called to endure illness and death with fortitude and to learn from it. The diet mentality shuns those who are making that journey, and it also offers false hope. The fact of the matter is that illness, suffering, and death come to us all, and while struggling to avoid it at all costs, we miss out on its redemptive potential.

My theological seminar is over, so I shall now explain how this is relevant to FA.

How far has our crusade against obesity gone when houses of worship have desecrated their own laws and traditions wholesale to wage war on a worthless battle?

How far has it gone when even God cannot save the fatties?

Fuck damnit!

Lenten confessions of a bad fatty

Tags

Catholicism, diet culture, fat acceptance

Lent is once again upon us, with the requisite fasting and abstinence guidelines.

As a ‘bad’ fatty, I am faced with the expectation that I will not be able to meet these requirements and that my natural condition is a sin that must be forsaken. Indeed, gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins.

What people do not understand is that neither fasting nor gluttony refer just to the consumption of food or drink. Fasting is more about moderation and gluttony can refer to any overindulgence. In other words, fixations on weight control or health-related obsessions are forms of gluttony. They can also be manifestations of pride, vanity, anger (against the self) and more.

Anorexia is a disease, and I would never suggest that people with anorexia or any other eating disorder repent for something over which they have little control. The Catholic Church recognizes this and does not require such people to observe fast and abstinence. They can choose alternatives such as fasting from gossip, horror films, excessive reliance on one’s car, or whatever else is meaningful and feasible for that person. However, people are all too eager to point out the moral inferiority of fat people, and if these people are to be consistent, they need to acknowledge that those with eating disorders will require penance as well. They, themselves, will especially be in need of penance, not just for their version of gluttony, but for vanity, pride, and the abuse of their fellow Catholics.

They can either apply the same rules to all or realize that they are using their religious practice to abuse fat people is what I am driving at.

Anyway, I have never had a problem observing fast and abstinence during Lent and much of it has to do with attitude.

Contrary to popular belief, Lent isn’t about punishment. It is an invitation to help others, reflect on yourself, and spend more time with God. The material world is not evil. God made it for us, so it cannot be evil. The key is moderation.

Think of the common admonition for parents to spend more time with their children. In most instances, the messengers aren’t saying that TV, internet, and cell phones are bad. They are not saying that cars, extracurricular activities or independence are bad. They like those things and see much value in them. They are just saying that sometimes, they can distract us from those things that are just as important or more important. Sometimes, you need to turn the TV off, let the calls go to voicemail, and talk to someone and really spend time with them. Lent is based on a similar principle. Just take a little extra time “off” to visit with the Father.

I find that people who have the hardest time during Lent are those whose religious ideas have not evolved since childhood. They are caught in the frame of mind that you can’t have candy because you need to feel sorry for the bad things you have done. You need to do this because you will go to Hell if you don’t. The reality is both far more complicated, and far more fulfilling, than that. I cannot believe the number of people that have this thinking and that cannot think of Lent in any other way. No, it’s not a particularly fun holiday in terms of outright celebration and the themes that it addresses, but just because something isn’t outright celebratory doesn’t mean you cannot enjoy it. I love a good party, but I am just as happy studying. The studying can be difficult sometimes and takes a lot of time, but I enjoy it as much as the party. One is not better than the other, just different, suited for meeting different needs.

Something that I have noticed about those who approach Lent in a grudging manner is that they have a propensity to deny themselves on a regular basis and they see Lent as another opportunity to reinforce their perceived weaknesses. Again, this is rooted in the child’s comprehension of the concept of penance and moderation. Penance should not be seen as punishment, but as self-improvement and a chance to recognize one’s strengths, cardinal virtues, and gifts of the Holy Spirit. Moderation is not about self-denial, but about avoiding excess. By all means, partake of the pleasures of the material world, just don’t gorge on them and think before you act. Remember, it is every bit as sinful to “gorge” on spiritual practices such as corporal mortification or to worship publicly for the sake of pride. People who do not grasp this are apt to think that they are a on a constant mission of self-denial and to dread Lent for the exacerbation of their Catholic guilt.

Nowhere is this dynamic more clear than in discussions of fast and abstinence from food. Both the fat person and the act of eating itself comprise the epitome of moral weakness, and Lenten restrictions tend to revolve around food. Regrettably, it is now common for people to use Lent as a way to jumpstart weight loss efforts. Of course, you can expect to see pages upon pages on Facebook with status update about how so-and-so REALLY, REALLY wants to have chocolate, but can’t, because it’s Lent. Or how Joe Blow hates working near a bakery because he’s fasting and it’s SO tempting that he is drooling, but Christ cannot come in second to a pastry. Worse are those who brag about how “good” they’ve been during Lent. Maybe they were able to quit drinking for good or successfully went vegan or whatever. Maybe they like having the TV unplugged and the think you should like it too. (What was that about pride and vanity again?)

Lent is, in short, an exercise in anger and vanity for some people, or so it seems.

How do I, a ‘bad’ fatty who is wholly unrepentant (pun intended) about eating lots and eating all the wrong things, survive Lent?

No, I do not observe the obligations perfectly. No one does, but I tend to do well, precisely because I DON’T deny myself on a regular basis. Let us use a well-known example: no meat on the Fridays of Lent. Assuming that I am a meat eater, I have had my fill of meat on the days before, and I can have meat again once the abstinence period is over. On Ash Wednesday or Good Friday, which are days of fasting, my mouth does not water when I smell a bakery. I probably will feel hunger, and I might be craving a pastry at the time, but it will not be difficult for me to redirect. Why? Because I know that before those holidays, I had my fill of pastries and that once they are over, they will be there for me to enjoy once more. I’m not being punished either, just as I am not being punished when I turn off my TV and do some homework. TV is great, but homework is important too, so I will focus on that for a while. Pastries are great, but God and I have not had a heart-to-heart in some time. I’ll save the pastries or the computer for later.

Best of all, I know that after every Lent comes Easter, which is a feast in every sense of the word. Once I have finished my penance, I get to celebrate as much as I please with all the food I want (within reason, of course.) I may be in a state of self-denial now, but the gratification in the end will be big.

Those who have the most trouble with fasting and abstinence often are dieters. They already put themselves through lifetime Lenten penances for the “sin” of being too fat or not being healthy enough, and the arrival of the actual season of Lent means that they cannot even give themselves the occasional indulgence for it would be an offense against God. When Lent is over, there will be no indulgences, at least not without discipline, like yet another fast or overexercising.

For naughty fatties such as myself, the stereotype does not hold. I am not out of control in my eating or general consumption, and I have other ways to fill myself besides food.

If you get nothing else out of reading this post, get this: I don’t want to know how many times you thought about chocolate today. It would be a less serious sin to have a bite and go to confession than to continue to annoy me.

Transforming the common image of Catholicism

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Catholicism, literature, personal projects

I have this novel that I’ve been working on since I was 13 and I’m trying to publish it. Without devoting an entire blog post about my story, it is about a group of Catholics from very different walks of life navigating the complicated world of modern faith. It focuses primarily on a divorced father of a disabled teenager and the themes are the life issues like abortion and suicide.

I never intended for it to be about Catholicism. That was a recent development, but since I have made that change, the story fell into place better than I could have ever imagined. Being a theist, I have often wondered if there was a purpose behind my choice to write a Catholic novel.

Some of the reasons I came up with include:

My faith matters to me and I want to share it.

I want to write about my thoughts and things that have happened to me as a form of therapy.

I want to entertain people and get them to think.

Basically, I write for the same reasons everyone else writes, but there was something more to it.

I had been sharing my story with a close friend of mine for some time, and she’s a non-Christian. She really liked it, but she said something one day that really made me think. THIS was that other reason I had been looking for to write this.

To correct misconceptions about Catholicism.

She said my story was interesting, well-written, and entertaining. She thought differently because of it. She learned a lot about Catholicism without feeling like she was being beaten into a coma with a Bible.

Hear that?

She learned a lot about Catholicism without feeling like she was being beaten into a coma with a Bible.

She said she used to really misunderstand and dislike the Catholic faith.

At this point in the conversation, she lowered her voice and spoke in a really bashful tone of voice.

She said she didn’t mean to offend me, but that she had always seen the Catholic faith as hypocritical. She heard that whenever you did anything wrong, all you had to do was go to a priest, say some words, be forgiven, and you can do the same stuff all over again. In reality, it’s a lot more complicated than that.

Few people, even Catholics, know what Original Sin is. Generally, people think that the doctrine teaches that humans are inherently evil and they ask what babies could have possibly done for them to be born into sin. In reality, it teaches just the opposite.

There are two categories of sin: the type that you commit and the type that you are just born into. The first type is the one that people are most familiar with, the bad things you do, like break a Commandment. The second type of sin, or Original Sin, doesn’t refer to the presence of bad thoughts or actions, but to the absence of God’s grace. We are born outside of God’s grace because of the Fall, but we can receive it again through baptism.

In other words, humans were designed to hold God’s grace the way a chalice is designed to hold liquid. Humans are inherently good according to Catholic theology. We just need a little assistance.

I know. The Catholic Church doesn’t often present itself as an insistution that believes in the inherent goodness of people, but that’s the truth.

My friend didn’t know any of this.

She asked me about the Christian belief that Christ is required for salvation. Why do we have to believe in certain ideas to be saved. Can’t you just be a good person? Does that mean nothing? If you are saved, does that mean you can do whatever you want and still be rewarded?

According to Catholic theology, no.

The Catholic Church is very explicit on this matter, actually. Catholics believe that certain beliefs and practices increase your chances of getting into Heaven, but there is no guarantee. You can follow every Church teaching to the letter and really believe in them and still go to Hell. Likewise, people can get into Heaven that we would never expect. It is because we don’t know “who will be taken and who will be left” that Catholics are so adament about keeping themselves in check.

Such a mentality can be taken overboard, of course, but it certainly doesn’t prove the case that Catholics can do whatever they want and still go to Heaven. Nor does it necessarily mean that non-Catholics, less strict Catholics, or people who didn’t have the chance to be Catholic are going to Hell.

We call this the Obedience of Faith.

She didn’t know this. She didn’t know about the RCC’s strong mystic tradition, about strong women in the Church, some of whom are now considered saints, and much more.

There are so many things that I hear all the time and that I’m sick of hearing, but I NEVER get tired of hearing that people are less hostile towards the Catholic faith and the people that practice it because of me.

They aren’t running to their local parish to attend RCIA sessions. They don’t agree with everything the Church teaches. They still think a lot of Catholics, especially those in leadership positions, have got it all wrong.

But because of me, they see good in the Catholic faith.

That’s my job.

Part of my calling as a Catholic is to open hearts and minds to the message of God and His Son.

I don’t want to convert you. Conversion is something that the Holy Spirit has to inspire you to do.

Thankfully, you don’t NEED to convert to benefit from the message.

I think that’s what I really want. I want to show what the Catholic faith is supposed to be and what the Church could be. I want to help explain what sustains people through a difficult faith journey that is overseen by people who are often not worthy of the job.

I want people to be comforted.

Jesus shared His message with the people using parables. Why shouldn’t I?

Now I have a question for you all: have I had a similar effect on you?

The Grave Sin of Promoting Homosexuality

Tags

Catholicism, homosexuality, prejudice

I, JoannaDeadWinter, stand guilty as charged of the above by Real, True Catholics (TM) everywhere.

How did I commit such a grave sin?

By wearing purple in honor of those college students who committed suicide.

This was a little while ago, but I have been lurking on the Catholic blogsphere (or, more accurately, pissing contest) and the big question now is: What can keep you from receiving Holy Communion?

Originally intended to address pro-choice Catholic politicians (who are unrepentent, public sinners causing scandal to the church, unlike those pedophile priests), it is now being asked with regard to all baptized and confirmed Catholics.

Promoting homosexuality is one of those non-negotiable issues (don’t get me started on that motley concoction) and, apparently, this include participating in campaigns like the Day of Silence or wearing purple as I did.

Huh?

How am I promoting homosexuality by stating that, regardless of who you are or what lifestyle you live, your life matters and that you do not deserve to be tormented to the point of suicide, or at all?

Even the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) says, in no uncertain terms: “Having  homosexual inclinations is not immoral. It is homosexual acts that are immoral…[Homosexuals] must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in  their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter to their condition.” (United States Catholic Catechism for Adults, pg. 407).

Granted, I don’t agree with the idea that homosexual acts are a sin. (Yes, Real, True Catholics, I get it. I’m a fake Catholic, I’m excommuicated, I suck, I’m going to Hell, etc. Old news, guys, get over it.) Maybe at the time the Church was instituted it was, because anal sex is a very high risk sexual activity, even with protection. Back then there was none, so I imagine there was a lot of disease in the gay community of the day, which may have been interpreted as a sign of God’s displeasure with them.

In any case, the magisterium of the RCC disagrees and believes homosexuality to be a disease, the victims of which are full members of the Church (okay, define full member) and who must be shown compassion (again, define compassion).

The point is that these legalistic Catholics, who claim to be real Catholics who follow fully the teachings of the magisterium and who accuse me of “promoting homosexuality,” are themselves in violation of the directives of the catechism in their belief that homosexuality itself (as opposed to mere acts) is immoral and that homosexuality is a choice. Their refusal to associate with homosexuals in a non-sexual manner, to afford them any basic human dignity at all (like by preventing job discrimination), and their willingness to openly torment them are in direct and egregious violation of even the low standard set by the RCC.

Again, stating that someone deserves  NOT  to be abused to the point of suicide is a BARE MINIMUM of decency. Most Catholics, even those who believe homosexual acts are a sin, can agree to this. There are ways to avoid “promoting”* the lifestyle without hating homosexuals themselves.

These people also seem to be unaware of the RCC’s revised teaching on suicide.

To those Catholics that are SO perfect and think you have it ALL figured out: bite me.

*I hate to say “promote” homosexuality. It’s not something I can promote or not promote, since it’s not a choice. Even the RCC admits that. Since homosexuality is at least partially genetic, I wonder if the RCC will ever consider that some people were *meant* to be that way? Inquiring minds want to know.

Pro-life imagery: When pictures speak a thousand words

Tags

Catholicism, Church politics, culture of death

I went to Mass today, like I do every Sunday, and did the routine. I enter, dip, cross, and head over to the selection of pamphlets they put out every week. After stuffing my bag full of CareNotes on bereavement, I scan the selection further for more winners…and found a loser.

It was a pamphlet on a topic ubiquitous in Catholic circles…the culture of life.

Granted, this isn’t a Catholic phenomenon, but a larger Christian one. Indeed, many Protestants are more fanatical than Catholics on that subject. It’s not Catholic teaching on life issues that I am here to discuss, though. Rather, it is the image on the front of that brochure that made me think and that triggered this post hours after I saw it.

Not surprisingly, the picture was of a baby.

Christians who promote a culture of life usually try to do so by preaching against, and using the political process to restrict or ban, abortion, birth control, and euthanasia/assited suicide. Often included in this cause are activism against war and the death penalty.

A wealth of images was available to whomever created this pamphlet.

A man in a cell talking to a priest.

An elderly person being cared for by a nurse.

An adult with Down Syndrome on vacation with his family.

An Iraqui child with prosthetic limbs in physical therapy.

No. Unless the pamphlet specifically addresses a particular life issue, the symbol of the culture of life is a baby. I can’t think of any occasion where it was not.

Further, whenever the culture of life is discussed, abortion is almost always brought up first and tends to get the most airtime. It’s almost as though “culture of life” is a buzzword for anit-abortion politics rather than a larger way of thinking and acting that respects the sanctity of human life. The other pro-life causes are just trappings.

One of the great frustrations, to the faithful and atheistic alike, of religion is the propensity of many faithful to constantly seek fault with other followers. Just as Orthodox Jews criticize Reform and Reconstructionist Jews of being heretics, so liberal Catholics have their own moniker-Cafeteria Catholics. The great irony of this is that those who screech the loudest about the damage we heretics do to the faith are just as “guilty” of buffet attendance as we are.

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a Catholic classmate in high school who went into an angry tirade about the immorality of abortion but who then turned around and expressed an almost sadistic support of the death penalty. This despite the fact that the Church is very clearly against the death penalty in almost all cases. I’ve seen far too many Christians wax hysterial over the evils of abortion while expressing what, again, can only be described as a sadistic love affair with the death penalty and war. I expect that someone will argue that the latter two activities kill bad guys whereas abortion kills the good guys. But how is a pregnancy that is risking a mother’s life and taking her away from her husband and existing children a good thing? What about people who were executed who were later found to be innocent? What about people whose “treason” consisted of owning the wrong newspaper? What about the women, born and unborn children, elderly, sick, and other *civilians* killed in war?

Aside from the obvious hypocrisy, where am I going with this? My point is that anti-abortion sentiment is taken for granted among Christians and Catholics, but it’s far more permissible, apparently, to engage in or support practices that are just as reprehensible in the eyes of the Church as abortion.

Admittedly, it’s much easier to garner sympathy for cute little babies than for hardened criminals, but one of the points that Jesus stressed most in his ministry was that being one of His disciples was hard work. It was not something you could just abandon once it became inconvenient for you. Likewise, Catholics cannot abandon their values regarding life once they decide they don’t like the person whose life is considered sacred.

In general, it’s easy to get behind the cause of preserving the lives of little babies. How many pamphlets would people collect if the picture on the front depicted a comatose teenaged drug addict whose family is wondering, “Is it time to let go?” Probably none at all. A couple of weeks ago, when I attended Mass, a special prayer was said for the soldiers in the Middle East “defending our freedom.” First, I don’t believe for a minute that we are defending anyone’s freedom over there at this point, and I don’t know why so many people continue to clutch that pearl. Second, this is yet another example of Christian hypocrisy on life issues. Notice that no prayer was said for the innocent civilians being maimed and slaughtered in this war. Notice that no prayer was said pleading God to bring our troops home, who are mostly young men with their whole lives ahead of them, who likely had no idea what they were really in for in this war that is both immoral and unnecessary.  No prayer was said to give other young men the strength to resist the lavish promises of the warmongers so that they may be drawn into the Hell on earth that is the Middle East.

Now back to the iconic baby. Birth in many Christians’ eyes is seen as an ultimate good.

But…

Having children that one does not want and cannot care for is a recipe for disaster. How many children ended up disabled or ill because of abuse and neglect? In trouble with the law? How many elderly, disabled, or other marginalized people are overlooked by people whose parents never taught them by example how to understand and be compassionate? How does the Church address this?

That image on the front of that pamphlet sums up everything that is wrong with so much of Christian politics today and with the pro-life movement.

They revere the unborn and a romanticized version of motherhood at the expense of the real-world well-being of mothers and children and the rest of us who are already here.