Quick Hit: How the Vatican Operates


Someone comes along and states the obvious within earshot of a bishop. The bishop is offended and tattles on said person to Rome.

Rome gets offended.

Person states her case and does not back down.

Five days later, a papal bull arrives stating, “You are hereby excommunicated, you heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church and you should burn in Hell forever and ever!”

Five weeks later, the heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church who should burn in Hell forever and ever presents herself for communion at another parish. She is denied, with the parting comments:

“You are excommunicated you heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church and you should burn in Hell forever and ever!”

Five months later, she goes to yet another parish, STILL not repenting for the sin of dissent, and she gets the same response: “You are excommunicated you heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church and you should burn in Hell forever and ever!”

Five years later, after being in hiding, she moves to a remote village and attends Mass there. She presents herself for Communion and the priest says, “The Body of…wait, are you the heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church who should burn in Hell forever and ever?”

Five decades later, people are mourning her death and some people continue to hold a grudge against her. However, some are starting to ask, “You know, she was a bit of a rabble-rouser and I’m not sure I agree with her, but was she really a heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church who should burn in Hell forever and ever?”

Five centuries later, a parade and a lavish feast are held at the Vatican in the name of the heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church who was going to burn in Hell forever and ever with the parting comments: “Today we celebrate the life, legacy, and miracles of this faithful, obedient, humble woman of God who we know, and have ALWAYS known, of course, is being rewarded in Heaven forever and ever!”

Brought to you by your favorite heretic, apostate, schismatic stain on the sanctity of the Holy Church. Who of course will burn in Hell forever and ever.

Oh, by the way, I was invited by church officials to a bonfire, but you have to bring your own kindling. Who’s with me?:)

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One comment

  1. Emerald · July 30, 2011

    I think of when, years ago, working in the Victoria area of London, I first went in to look at Westminster Cathedral and saw the wall mosaic of Blessed Joan of Arc, as she was when the place was built. Twenty-five years to be exonerated, in her case, but I hadn’t realized till then that it took them five hundred odd years to actually canonize her. Meanwhile, our own visionary mystic Julian of Norwich languishes uncanonized after almost six centuries, despite huge popular veneration by people from all denominations of Christianity, and many who aren’t Christian at all (hmm, perhaps that’s why).

    (To lay my cards on the table: I’m not a Catholic myself, but an ex-spouse of a lapsed Catholic with a pre-Vatican II Irish mother, which was an education in itself…long and difficult story. Will probably always be a fascinated outsider.)

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