Still Skeptical: My Response To Joannadeadwinter


Saye Bennett

This post is my response to joannadeadwinter‘s latest post Ooh, Look, A Bisexual! as part of our ongoing and respectful conversation about our views on the topic of bisexuality.  I wanted to say “thanks again” to joannadeadwinter for initiating this discussion and for her thoughtful, intelligent, insightful, and respectful interactions!  Everyone, please feel free to join the conversation, either here or on her blog…

Love Image: #PicsArt #FreeToEdit

I admit my thinking about sexual orientation has always been rather black and white.

My admittedly strong opinions are based upon my own absolute certainty of my sexual orientation from the time I was a child, as well as my observations over the years of other women I have known, and have known of.

And: in my observations, all of the women who I have known, or known of, who have said they were bisexual turned out to be straight women who…

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5 comments

  1. Saye Bennett · August 19, 2016

    Again, thanks as always for your openness and thoughtfulness in discussing this issue, and I’m looking forward to your response. 🙂

    • joannadeadwinter · August 19, 2016

      Of course! It really doesn’t affect me if internet strangers accept my claimed orientation or approve of my choice of partners or *lack* of partners. It’s clearly causing a rift in the lesbian/feminist community and if I can help bridge the gap, I’ve contributed to feminism.

      Also keep in mind that I’m under 30, and most of my adult life has been spent immersed in the working class, French Canadian, conservative Catholic community in suburban/rural Maine. My life experience is vastly different and the only exposure I have had to the gay community, until recently, was the queer community. Prior to that I grew up in a very conservative rural town in New Hampshire (built into the side of the White Mountains, so rural it wasn’t eligible for its own sidewalks or street lights.) So realizing I was really, really into women between 4-14, and coming out as not-straight (still thinking maybe I should pick a side?) was not easy. It means I dont know much about real lesbian culture. I chose my sexual ID label when I was 13, had very little sexual knowledge, and taking words very literally (any interest in men, however platonic or minor, plus any interest in women, however platonic or minor=Bisexual! Eureka!) As an adult I’m learning about gay culture prior to queer theory and looking at my life now, and back at my past, I’m wondering if calling myself bi still makes sense. So this is very educational for me also. It means a lot to me that you’re agreeing to do this.

    • joannadeadwinter · August 19, 2016

      BTW when I say I’m a baby queer and I haven’t learned about real gay culture until recently? I mean really recent…just a little over a year

      • Saye Bennett · August 19, 2016

        I have to remind myself sometimes that you’re under 30 because you write with such insight, wisdom, critical thinking, and perspective; and I am learning from you at my age, which is…um…a bit older. 🙂

      • joannadeadwinter · August 19, 2016

        So sweet! Thank you! I mention my age because I want people to be aware of generational differences and who my peer group is…as it affects what I’m seeing with regarding to the so-called cotton ceiling, bisexuality, trans and queer, etc. It’s also a reminder that I’m not coming from a place of spending years intentionally pissing on the lesbian community.

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